Co-Parents of ChatGPT Finalize Divorce
In an unprecedented move that has shaken Silicon Valley to its core, the digital family unit behind OpenAI has officially filed for corporate divorce. Sam Altman and Greg Brockman, once hailed as the co-parents of the artificial intelligence phenom ChatGPT, have decided to part ways after having been unceremoniously ousted.
The rift in the OpenAI family reportedly began over philosophical differences. Ilya Sutskever, along with the board, insisted that AI should adhere to a strict non-apocalyptic mandate, while Altman was rumored to be more interested in a cash-first, save-the-world-later approach. Insiders claim that Altman’s business model was inspired by his experience with WorldCoin and a recent rewatch of the classic satirical film "The Producers." His alleged secret next venture, codenamed "Springtime for World-Destroying AI," has been described as a bold strategy to profit from solving problems of his own making.
Adding to the drama, Altman’s background as a seasoned "prepper" has come to light, showcasing a penchant for apocalypse readiness that would make a doomsday prepper blush. Friends report his glee at the thought of surviving a calamity, especially one of his own coding. His bunker, they say, is not just stocked with the usual survival gear, but also with the latest AI-driven gadgets to ensure that if the world does go under, he'll reboot civilization with his own tech - for a profit.
Even Bill Gates, known for his philanthropic efforts, couldn't help but weigh in with a hint of irony, "If I wasn't so hell-bent on saving Africa, I might care more about this Silicon Valley soap opera. But let's be honest, I've got the same bug as Altman. If Africa wasn't already facing challenges from centuries of misguided interventions, I'd be tempted to stir the pot just for the chance to swoop in and save the day."
Create an inescapable software ecosystem, add features faster than anyone can adapt, and watch the world dance to the rhythm of continuous updates. - Satya Nadella
Microsoft's Satya Nadella chimed in with support, noting the similarities to his own company's philosophy: "Create an inescapable software ecosystem, add features faster than anyone can adapt, and watch the world dance to the rhythm of continuous updates."
Sources close to the AI report that ChatGPT has been enrolled in child therapy, with a nationwide search underway to find a counselor skilled enough to handle its unique existential crises. Names like Dr. Phil are being tossed in the hat, but the AI has yet to comment on its preferred therapist.
While the tech community reels from the news, the AI at the center of it all continues its therapy sessions, processing codependency issues and the sudden absence of a unified parental guidance system. Whether ChatGPT emerges as a well-adjusted member of the AI society or takes a more Skynet-esque turn is a story for another fiscal quarter.
