Mark Zuckerberg Politely Asked to Leave Metaverse

PALO ALTO, CA – In an unprecedented move, Mark Zuckerberg, the tech mogul behind Meta (formerly Facebook) and the sprawling digital realm known as the Metaverse, has been asked to leave the very virtual world he helped bring to life.

The decision comes after numerous reports of Zuckerberg's digital avatar wandering aimlessly through various virtual events, seemingly without purpose or direction. "He just showed up at my virtual daughter's birthday party," said one concerned Metaverse resident. "He didn't even bring a virtual gift. Just stood there, watching."

Others have reported similar incidents. "I was attending my cousin's bar mitzvah in the Metaverse," shared Rebecca Goldstein, another user. "And there he was, Zuckerberg, just hovering in the corner, occasionally trying to start a dance-off. It was... unsettling."

The Metaverse Council, a self-appointed group of digital denizens, convened an emergency meeting to address the "Zuckerberg Situation." In a statement released shortly after, the council declared, "While we recognize and appreciate Mr. Zuckerberg's contributions to the creation of the Metaverse, his recent behavior has become a cause for concern. Crashing children's parties, bar mitzvahs, and even virtual yoga sessions is not in line with the harmonious environment we aim to foster. As such, we kindly ask Mr. Zuckerberg to take a break and find his purpose outside the Metaverse."

Tom Anderson, the affable face of MySpace and famously everyone's first friend by default, weighed in on the situation with a touch of nostalgia. "It's like déjà vu," Anderson remarked. "Back in the MySpace days, even though I was friends with everyone, I had to remove Mark due to eerily similar behavior. He'd just pop into random users' profiles, commenting on their music choices or rearranging their Top 8."

Anderson continued, "I always suspected that his removal from MySpace was the catalyst for creating Facebook. It was his way of building a space where he could be the ultimate gatekeeper. And now, history seems to be repeating itself in the Metaverse."

As the Metaverse drama unfolded, another tech titan, Elon Musk, was inevitably dragged into the conversation. X (Formerly Twitter) was abuzz with suggestions, with one user quipping, "If Elon's planning a trip to Mars, can he please take Mark with him?"

Musk, never one to shy away from an online spat, responded with his characteristic wit: "I've got enough challenges trying to colonize Mars. Adding 'I agreed to cage fight Mark, I'm not up for babysitting' it's not on my to-do list. Plus, I'm not sure Mars is ready for that level of... meta."

Insiders suggest that Zuckerberg's aimless wandering might be a result of his failed presidential aspirations. "He thought he could lead the real world," whispered one source. "Now, he's struggling to find his place in the virtual one."

Zuckerberg's foray into the Metaverse may be a result of his thwarted real-world ambitions. In the lead-up to 2020, he embarked on a personal tour across America, seemingly laying the groundwork for a presidential run. However, Facebook's reputation plummeted following the Cambridge Analytica scandal, casting a shadow over his political aspirations. As Zuckerberg's presidential ambitions faded, Trump's prominence surged, eventually securing him the presidency. This shift left many pondering: could an alternate reality with Zuckerberg at the helm have been even worse? Regardless, this turn of events left Zuckerberg grappling with his place, both in the real and virtual worlds.

After the collapse of his presidential aspirations, Zuckerberg redirected his vast resources towards local campaigns, notably championing the defunding of the police in San Francisco. While his intentions might have been rooted in reform, the outcome was far from the utopia he envisioned. San Francisco, once a beacon of tech innovation and cultural vibrancy, quickly became a cautionary tale. Crime rates surged, and many residents began to see the city as a no-go zone.

As the city's safety deteriorated, Zuckerberg found himself shelling out millions on private security to ensure his own protection. This chaotic turn of events in San Francisco became the unexpected catalyst for Zuckerberg's next big venture: the Metaverse. Desperate to escape the hellscape he had helped create, he sought solace in a virtual world where he could control every aspect, free from the unpredictable consequences of real-world decisions.

Zuckerberg has yet to respond to the Metaverse Council's request. However, rumors are circulating that he's considering building an entirely new virtual realm, tentatively titled "Zuckverse," where he can crash as many virtual parties as he pleases.