Survey Reveals Majority of Earth's Population Supports Elon Musk's Mars Ambitions

PALO ALTO, CA – A recent global survey has unveiled a startling consensus: a vast majority of Earth's inhabitants are in complete agreement with Elon Musk's aspiration to die on Mars. Not because they admire his audacious vision, but because they genuinely want him to go there – and preferably stay.

The survey, conducted by the International Association of People Who Are Tired of Tweets (IAPWATT), found that 89% of respondents were supportive of Musk's Martian demise. "It's not that we don't appreciate his electric cars or his rockets," said one respondent, "we just really want him to stop tweeting."

The survey delved deeper into the reasons behind this overwhelming consensus. A staggering 72% of participants expressed a fervent desire to prevent Musk from allowing racists to tweet. Another 68% hoped that his relocation to Mars would somehow stop him from re-tweeting rabid anti-Semites. "If he's on Mars, maybe the delay in communication will prevent some of these tweets from reaching Earth," mused a hopeful participant.

In a surprising twist, a write-in section of the survey revealed a nostalgic sentiment: 55% of respondents expressed a longing for the days when former President Donald Trump was off Twitter. "Remember that brief, golden period of silence?" reminisced one respondent. "Can we get that back?"

Furthermore, the survey also revealed that a significant number of Americans would be willing to allocate the staggering $10 trillion in taxpayer funds for Musk's Mars journey, but with a catch: it must be a one-way trip, and Peter Thiel, Mark Zuckerberg, and Marc Andreessen must accompany him. Musk, usually verbose on Twitter, responded to the audacious suggestion with a simple, "No."

Amidst the buzz, conspiracy theorist Alex Jones took to his InfoWars platform with a different take. "This is all a distraction, folks!" he bellowed. "While you're all focused on Musk and Mars, they're putting chemicals in the water that turn the frogs—well, you know the rest." Jones went on to claim that Musk's potential move to Mars was part of a larger plot to establish a New World Order on the Red Planet. "And who's funding this? The globalists, of course! Earth isn't enough for them!" he exclaimed. Despite the outlandish nature of his claims, an outsized segment of the survey participants admitted they'd be more at ease if Jones joined Musk on the one-way trip to Mars, others immediately started a GoFundMe campaign which has already raised $10.5 million from one anonymous donation.

Flat Earthers, never ones to shy away from a cosmic debate, also chimed in on the Musk-to-Mars discourse. The president of the Flat Earth Society, in a video message, questioned the very premise: "If Earth is flat, which we know it is, then Mars must be flat too. How can Musk plan to live on a planet that's just a two-dimensional disc floating in space?" He further speculated that the entire Mars mission might be a ruse to divert attention from the "real truth" about Earth's shape. "Before he goes to Mars," the president mused, "maybe he should take a trip to the edge of our own world. We'd be happy to guide him."

When reached for comment, Musk responded with a series of cryptic emojis. While most were left scratching their heads over his enigmatic symbols, a small group of insiders emerged, speculating that this might be a potential name hint for his next offspring, further fueling the public's desire for his interplanetary relocation.